
See the ripped jeans, mask and can of happoushu (imitation beer product)? They're so not me. Neither is the look on my face (that you can't even see underneath the stupid mask), which is pissed off, or frazzled, or upset, or whatever that strange emotion is called. Oh wait, that's it: "stress" is what they say. I think. How would I know? I'm an easy going kind of girl, and have purposely chosen a lifestyle that is very low in stress, and indulge in a variety of hobbies and pastimes that are excellent at erasing what little of it does come my way. But thanks to the crappy events of last month my system is breaking down. March is so far no better than February.
So let me tell you about my crappy day yesterday. It was a day off, and my plan was to have a relaxing morning at home before walking to the gym (it's a long walk, nearly an hour, and thus counts as half a workout), stopping at my local post office on the way to open a postal savings account. And then after my workout I'd walk to a certain supermarket that has a free shuttle bus, letting me pick up some groceries and take the bus home for free. A simple plan, one that seemingly couldn't go wrong.
But if you live in Japan you'll already know my plan was doomed, as we all know that nothing ever goes right at the post office. Postal workers here have a way of making things six times more complicated than they needs to be (it's in their contracts), and my local post office in particular has one lady who absolutely refuses to understand my Japanese and also refuses to believe I can understand hers, causing her to communicate with me in a mixture of baby talk, random English words (at least I think it's English) and wild gestures. But I was pretty sure she only worked in the mail section and not in the banking section, and besides, how hard could it be to open a damn postal account?
Plenty hard, it turns out. And even though wild gesture lady did indeed stick to the mail section and the two ladies I had to deal with didn't belittle my Japanese abilities, it took an hour and fifteen minutes--and a lot of aggravation--to open the account. There's no point in going into details, but I'll just share one highlight: at one point the tiny post office became quite crowded, and that was the point at which one of the ladies chose to come out into the waiting room to talk to me, rather than call me up to the counter as is the norm. She had to maneuver around 10 or so people to get to me, and when she did she loudly listed the reasons why she didn't want me to open an account with my signature (foreigners are actually perfectly able to open bank accounts and the like with their signatures instead of the usual hanko, or name seal--a ridiculous item that deserves a post of its own). After all, I'm married to a native, which makes me practically Japanese, and really, only "regular" foreigners are allowed to get away with using their signatures. And oh look: my address is such-and-such, which is just around the corner, so it would just take a few minutes to go get my hanko. Or my husband's hanko. I do handle all of my husband's finances, don't I? No? Well, aren't I worried that if I die or get into an accident my husband won't be able to access my account?
And so on, until all the other folks in the post office knew everything about me, including my address. I actually wasn't completely against using a hanko, but at their first attempt to persuade me to use one they had said that strictly I didn't have to--they just wanted me to. And since they were being such dicks about everything and I knew didn't actually have to use a hanko, I was compelled to stand my ground on that one point. So it got done, but it took an hour longer than I'd planned, and I lost my chance to walk to the gym.
Which was just as well as the wind had picked up considerably and it wouldn't have been a very nice walk. Plus it is now the peak of hayfever season, and being outdoors in the wind would make my allergies even worse, even with protection (a giant pair of sunglasses and dorky surgical mask are quite effective to a point, but by the end of a long walk my eyes are weepy, nose runny and body covered in pollen, no matter how much I've covered up). So I caught the bus and when I got off I realized that the post office visit had made me too tired and hungry to work out properly. With few choices nearby I settled on Mister Donuts, because they have, strangely enough, a small selection of Chinese food: ramen, nikuman (cha siu baio, or steamed pork buns) and the like, and a nikuman and hot cup of oolong tea were just what I needed. But it turns out that this particular Mister Donuts doesn't carry Chinese food, and not only that but they were sold out of every savory item they had (they usually have meat pies, curry buns and stuff like that). Not craving sweets at all, I chose the least sweet item they had: a rice-flour doughnut dusted with kinako (soy bean flour) and a coffee.
So I went up to the second floor and sat down amid a crowd of noisy teenagers--it seems school had just finished and the doughnut shop was the place to be. My attempts at eating my doughnut seemed to amuse them, as anyone who has eaten something covered in kinako will understand. Just like powdered sugar, it falls off and gets everywhere, and trying to brush it off your clothes only rubs it in. Annoyed, I gulped down my coffee as fast as I could and left.
It was seriously windy by that point, and the hordes of illegally parked bicycles encircling Mister Donuts had mostly been blown over, leaving just one clear path going in the direction opposite of where I wanted to go. A sensible person would have taken that path, but I, wanting to save three seconds, decided to step over one of the downed bicycles. It would have worked out just fine, except that as I was in mid-step a sudden gust of wind knocked over the bike next to me, causing the downed bike to shift. In changing the direction of my step, so as not to step on the newly shifted downed bike, I lost my balance and fell on my hands and knees, ass in the air.
This wasn't a crowded street, but there were enough passersby (who promptly ignored me) for my fall to be embarrassing, and as I was willing a giant hole to appear beneath me and swallow me up a miracle occurred: a man asked if I was alright. He didn't actually slow down as he walked past, and obviously he had no intention of actually helping me, but just for saying something I wanted to hug him. I didn't even mind that he was laughing (laughing with me or at me, I couldn't tell and didn't care--I'll take what sympathy I can get). So I got up and turned around to make sure I hadn't damaged the bike, and as I did so I noticed that the folks lining up for doughnuts inside were staring at me. And then I looked up, and saw all the bratty teenagers on the second floor were not only staring, but laughing, and this time it was most definitely AT me.
Why I should care what a bunch of high school kids think about me is a mystery (I certainly didn't when I was an actual high school student). But it really bugged me, and it bugged me that it bugged me, and I was dusting myself off and attempting to pull myself together when I noticed a hole in the knee of my jeans.
Not a big deal for a normal sized person, who could just go out and buy a new pair, but these happened to be the only decent pair of jeans (and thus pants) that fit me properly. Oh I have plenty of jeans, but they're all floods, or too tight, or too low-waisted, or, being made for a small tubular Japanese body, a weird mix of too low-waisted, too tight in some places, too loose in other places, and way too short in the leg. But these jeans fit perfectly, having been bought in Canada after an extensive search several visits ago, only to never find them again on following visits (my weirdly shaped body makes it hard to find jeans that fit well even back home). And now they were ruined. Oh sure, fashionable people wear fashionably ripped jeans all the time, but that's not a look I'm into at all. Nor am I into patches, so I guess I'll be wearing skirts until I either loose weight, get my legs shortened or take a trip home to Canada and track down another pair.
OK, big deal. I like skirts. I knew a nice hard workout would make me feel better, so determined to be calm and cheerful I continued on to the gym, where I gave the check-in lady a big smile (or an eye smile, since I had my mask on) and handed her my Passmo (an IC card used for trains and buses, and definitely not for gyms). And when I finally found the right card and got to the change rooms, I glanced at a mirror and saw that not only was I covered in kinako, but a big chunk of my hair had blown up over my hat and stayed there, which looked absolutely ridiculous and made me wonder exactly how long it had been like that. The mask only made me look more stupid, but at least it's normal here and to any onlookers that day it would have been the least strange thing about me. And it did hide my dripping nose.
Everything went fine at the gym, I had a great workout, a nice soak in the sauna, and emerged feeling wonderful. I arrived at the supermarket just as the last free bus of the day was leaving, which wasn't a big deal, and the store was sold out of almost everything I wanted to buy, which also wasn't a big deal, and when I went to the regular bus stop I saw I'd just missed my bus. Also not a big deal and I noted the time of the next bus and went back into the store to keep warm, coming out just before my bus was expected. Ten freezing minutes later I realized I'd read the weekend schedule and that while waiting in the supermarket I'd missed two buses, and by the time the next bus came--late--it was the peak of rush hour and the fifteen minute ride home was spent standing crushed against bony salarymen and heavily laden office ladies, who all seemed to have eight purses and seventeen very sharp elbows each. One of my hands desperately held the strap above to keep me from falling into the elbows and bags as the bus swerved madly, the driver going at maximum speed to get back onto schedule, and the other hand held my gym bag and a full bag of groceries, which caused my muscles, already worked to their limit at the gym, to nearly give out.
I finally arrived at home, battled, bruised and torn, where my husband was waiting for me. One of the benefits of working for a company that was about to go under was that there isn't a whole lot of work to do, so these days he gets home early. And what a treat it was to come home to an apartment that was lit, warmed up, and contained both my husband and a hot dinner (he had just heated up leftovers, but still). I felt better instantly.
The only way the day could have ended better would have been with a beer. But a beer-like malt alcohol type beverage wasn't a bad substitute. You see, in my new status as a poor person I am not allowed to drink actual beer, which costs upwards of 250 yen per can. I must drink happoushu, the poor woman's beer, which is in a different tax category than regular beer due to low malt content and thus quite a bit cheaper--as low as 100 yen per can. I actually prefer real beer and usually don't mind paying extra for it, but there are times when you don't drink beer for the flavour, and happoushu certainly gets the job done just as well as real beer. I chose Suntory's Rich Malt because the can's design looked the most beer-like and it came in a tall-boy, and perhaps it was just because I really, really needed a beer, but it tasted pretty good. If this is what being poor tastes like, maybe it won't be so bad after all.
I'm hoping the awfulness of the day was just leftovers of February, like some kind let lag of crappiness or a hangover or something. March isn't going to suck too, is it?
JapanSoc it!
PS, I just wanted to update this to add: Look how frigging good my
hair looks! I mean, there are stray hairs and split ends and stuff, but
it never ever looks this nice. I swear I was trying to mess it up to
look all windblown for the picture but apparently this was as messy as
it would get. Why is it that on a regular day it takes me hours to get
my hair to look nice but the one time I want it looking bad it ends up
looking better than its looked in months?
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